he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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