I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We have so much sex to catch up on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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