I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
