He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
