Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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