this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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