My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
