i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Two words: blizzard sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
