ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
