eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
