I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
