It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
