We got so high we made milksteak
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
