Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
