Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
