Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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