he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
