I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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