So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
