I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
