can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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