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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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