you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize