Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
