My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize