she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
