You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
