Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
