five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
