i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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