we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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