Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
