what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
