this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
