Who wears a wallet chain?!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
even my farts smell like vagina
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
