I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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