just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
