I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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