I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
