Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
