the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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