i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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