So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
