Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
