you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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