i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
