You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
