Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
