you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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