the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
