That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize