$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize