6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize