Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
