i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
