I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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