if you like me you must not know who I am
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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