I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
