We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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