you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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