they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
