I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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