i was born a porn star she said
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize