Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
