is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
