We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize