Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
