remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
