If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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