somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
